IF U SEE K-A-H-L-I-L (vilain_garcon) wrote,

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From a Calm and Strangely Content Place...

Sometimes I wish someone would call me "ugly", "fat", "stupid", etc. and mean it. There must be something wrong with me. 22 years of existence and no one has ever told me their in love with me. When I look in the mirror I try to find every flaw I can on why I am not attractive. If it's physical, is it my personality? I have friends and they all say they love me. I feel like there are people with worse personalities than me who have way better love lives. I know love exists cause I see it, I hear about it, but I have never experienced it from a romantic standpoint. And you wonder why I am obsessed with perfection (I need to be skinnier, I need plastic surgery, I need more money)? Sure people have flirted with me but it's never made it into a serious stage. I know my last post was about having standards, but I don't see how having standards and wanting love is contradictory? I have too low self-esteem to do anything but too much self-worth to do anything desperate. And to think I may end up in a relationship with someone who did call me "ugly", "fat", "stupid" is a sad reality.

Like the title says, I'm not saying this from a sad point of view. I am dancing to Britney at the moment. I don't cry about this at night, just get extremely frustrated. And the point of this post is not for you to reach out to me and tell me my time will come (because like me you don't even know), but it's for you to understand me a little bit better and why I act the way I act, say what I say, and do what I do. I don't do it to find love, but it's always considered.
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